The answer is an emphatic, “No!”  Most of us develop the capacity of making choices during childhood. As such, many life problems that we experience are purely the result of personal decisions based upon missing information, mis-information, or in some cases, mere human error.

This is not meant to imply that our parents and families do not have a profound effect upon the development of our decision-making process. They usually have a significant effect. Frequently, however, people find it easier to blame others using cognitive distortions such as rationalization and minimization rather than to take responsibility for their own behavior. Many parents have done the absolute best they knew how to do, with nothing but benevolent intent for their children based in love.

But read on…

Sadly, not all parents did their best, or based their behavior in love. Some were inappropriately neglectful, including various degrees of abandonment. Some were criminally cruel. In these situations, children are affected in numerous ways, depending upon the degree of abuse and/or neglect, and other factors. In such cases, parents are not blamed within the process of effective therapy, but a significant part of healing often develops from discovering maladaptive underlying beliefs (schemas) that may have developed as a result of these neglectful circumstances.  It is possible a maladaptive belief that incorrectly blamed the innocent child as “the cause” of cruel or unhealthy adult behavior may have surfaced.

Clients and patients should speak with a prospective therapist prior to treatment, including an inquiry related to fees and potential length of treatment. It is important to choose a therapist that you believe has proven ability to help with your particular issue and who can provide a successful outcome as expediently as possible. Total treatment time is affected by many variables, but it is advisable to inquire along these lines with any prospective therapist that you are considering. Some issues can be resolved within just a few sessions; others can justifiably require much more time.

Within private practice, lower fees are often an indication of less experience, mediocre results, and/or lack of expertise. Remember that the lowest price of a professional service does not usually provide the best bargain, nor does the highest price automatically guarantee quality. Similar to many other professions, however, quality and efficient counseling experiences usually require a greater investment.

Just as people frequently and appropriately provide first aid for minor wounds, life problems are often effectively resolved without the assistance of a counselor or therapist. To continue with this analogy, most people would not consider self-diagnosis and treatment of a serious illness or injury, particularly those that persist.

Sadly, our lives and personal histories often include events that leave behind toxic perceptions, problematic thoughts, and painful feelings. Often, cognitive distortions and maladaptive underlying beliefs develop that help us to survive, but ultimately work against our optimum well-being. Seeking the assistance of a competent mental health professional is wise in such circumstances. There are many other situations that develop wherein counseling and/or psychotherapy would be highly appropriate.

Being intelligent does not automatically equip an individual to be his or her own therapist, just as mental prowess does not instinctively provide someone the ability to function within a licensed profession.  To paraphrase an old adage, “A client who has herself for a therapist, may have a fool for a client.”  I used the word “may” here very carefully.  I fully believe in self-help therapy whereby clients receive “tools” to help them to help themselves.  It’s just that sometimes clients may need outside help to give them a different perspective.

Psychotherapists are professional practitioners of the healing arts who treat emotional and mental health disorders. People generally seek therapy to enhance some aspect of their human functioning. Specific goals are usually oriented toward enhancing career pursuits, interpersonal relationships, or to address interpersonal concerns (such as troublesome thoughts or feelings). Seeking professional assistance is a healthy sign of courage and wisdom.

People from all walks of life, of all ages, utilize psychological services to help reduce anxiety… to communicate more effectively… to increase their concentration ability… to address specific aspects of human behavior. The desire may be to function more effectively within an occupation, within a social relationship, or merely to live in the world as a person without depression, guilt, tension, fear.  It is my basic belief that we all want to live happy, joyous and free.

• anger
• anxiety
• boredom
• chronic pain
• depression
• emotional pain
• fatigue
• fear
• frustration
• grief
• guilt
• helplessness
• hopeless
• ignored
• indifferent
• irritability
• loneliness
• moodiness
• sadness

• angry
• avoidant
• chronic pain
• decision making difficulties
• difficulty with change
• dissatisfaction (career, personal, relationship)
• fear of failure/success
• lack of motivation
• nervousness
• overwhelmed
• sadness
• self esteem issues
• suicidal
• stress
• tension
• violent
• worry
• worthless (life, self)

• avoidance
• anger outbursts
• chronic pain
• compulsive patterns
• denial (of needs, problems, et al)
• distressing relationship patterns
• divorce/separation
• excessive alcohol/drug use
• family conflict or tension
• hostility
• indifferent
• infidelity
• isolation
• lose control
• performance anxiety (work, social, sexual)
• sabotage of self, relationships
• sexual dysfunction or disturbances
• shyness
• sleep disorders
• suicide
• non-communicative
• unusual eating patterns
• violence
• withdrawal

• assertion
• balancing work & family responsibilities
• change management
• communication
• conflict resolution

These terms are often correctly used interchangeably, but there can be significant differences. In most cases, when the word “counseling” is used in conjunction with addressing relationship issues, and when specifically identified as within marriage, child, and/or family dynamics, the State of California requires the individual offering such services to be a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT).

Mental health practitioners also include Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSW), Psychologists, and Psychiatrists. Practitioners holding these licenses may or may not offer services provided by a Marriage and Family Therapist; and in some instances, provide services that a MFT does not provide. As a consumer, you should ask the person whose treatment you are considering about their education, training, licensure, and experience, as well as how they might be potentially beneficial in your particular case. Clinical expertise and effective treatment are not determined by titles or licenses. There are excellent, mediocre, and poor practitioners within all forms of licensure and practice.

In addition to the use of the term, “therapist,” by mental health practitioners, this title is also used by the providers of many personal and professional services, such as massage therapists, occupational therapists, physical therapists, speech therapists, etc. When psychotherapist is used, it is intended to denote a licensed mental health practitioner. Some services offer “counseling” and/or “therapy,” without formal education, training or licensure; hence, it is important to ask questions of anyone whose services you are considering.